Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
