how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
