I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
