I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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