someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
