and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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