The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
