ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
