I can tuck mytits in my pants
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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