If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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