i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
