You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
