Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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