So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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