Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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