Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
