Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
