we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
