This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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