yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
