party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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