At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
