Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
