i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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