Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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