You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
