I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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