I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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