it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
