Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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