weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
