everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
