That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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