oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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