Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have aggressive nipples.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
