So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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