i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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