I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
