ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
