I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
