i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
