He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
