Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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