I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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