Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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