apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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