I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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