1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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