We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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