they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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