brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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