Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
wow bdsm is so cute
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
