just tell him i said nine months
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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