The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why do cheetos always look like penises
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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