Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
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People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
