I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You are a genius and a whore.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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