Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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