Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
