Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
