I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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