dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
