Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
