So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
