Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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