So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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